I had absolutely no interest in Black Friday.
We have decided to be sensible this season
and not go nuts over gift buying, so there was no reason to brave
the crowds and venture forth at the buttcrack of dawn.
We looked at the ads and didn't see anything spectacular.
Then Mardell remembered that her guardianee
is in desperate need of clothing.
Jeans were on sale for $9 and you got a free t-shirt.
Coats were $7. Hoodies were $5.
Fortunately I have a soft spot for Scotty and volunteered
to brave the masses because I knew Mardell
wouldn't be able to control her claustrophobia.
I questioned my sanity when I got to town.
I really questioned it as I drove
up and down EVERY single aisle
and EVERY parking spot was taken.
Cars were pulled up onto the grass.
They overflowed to Radio Shack's parking lot.
They overflowed to Sonic and Home Depot.
I persevered against my better judgment.
Inside the door was a uniformed police officer
and behind him was a throbbing mass of crazed shoppers
hell bent on proving that we really aren't in the midst of a recession.
I maneuvered my way to the men's clothing department.
The men's coats were on the outer edge so I weenied
my cart in between two racks of clothes. I snatched
up a black coat in Scotty's size and began looking for the jeans.
They were just a hop, skip and a jump to my right.
I only needed to elbow my way through forty-six people buying
enough pajama sets to outfit every child in the county. Fortunately,
I have sharp elbows and I briefly abandoned my cart and made
it to the jeans display. I was on the right side and quickly
found the right size. Grabbing two sets of jeans
and t-shirts, I hastily retreated to the relative safety of my cart.
With that done, I decided that as long as I was there,
I might as well make my bi-weekly dog food purchase because
I didn't want to go back to the Evil Empire any time soon.
That was easier said than done.
Evidently the hot items were in the aisle adjacent to the
pet food and left turns were not being allowed. I finally
fought my way into the dog food area and found myself completely alone.
I plucked three bags of dog food off the shelf and
plopped them into my cart and headed to the check-out.
I got there and found what I thought was a relatively short line.
I only had to wait about ten minutes which I thought was pretty good.
During that time, I counted 32 big screen TV's going through the check-out.
One woman had a shopping cart full of movies.
She must have had at least 60 of them.
I had thought I might snag an external hard drive.
I want one for all of my photos.
They were only $49, but I just couldn't deal with the crowds.
I managed to escape unscathed and was back home
in my abode by a quarter after six drinking a nice
steaming cup of American Cowboy Coffee.